The second trimester is here, and I’m starting to feel a bit more like myself. But I’m still not there all the way, and food continues to be a problem. So when God kept urging me to go to my church’s women’s retreat this weekend, I admit, I had a lot of concerns…and I still do.
I’m not a bad traveler. You’ve followed me as I’ve been to Europe a couple times and have backpacked around Italy. But I’ve never gone on a trip where I can’t eat much of anything, have to throw up a couple times a day, and have long spells of nausea. And under those conditions, I’m asking, seriously? You still want me to go to this thing?
I admit that it’s been on my calendar for awhile. Back when I was in the worst part of the first trimester, holding down the couch all day, it was a little speck of light in the second trimester, a place to pin some hopes on, that I might be feeling good enough by then to venture out and socialize. But now that I’m here, I’m seriously doubting my ability to handle it.
But even though I argue daily with God about it, especially as departure grows nearer, I still sense him calling me to go. And I’ve got a husband who is also understanding and encouraging me in it.
I think part of the problem is that one of my idols is comfort. And while my stomach issues aren’t exactly comfortable, I’ve worked out a system at home for managing them as best as I can. When I get outside that comfort zone, I’m open to all kinds of difficult scenarios.
I’ll be bunking in a cabin room with several other women, attending talks and events during the day, and joining the whole group for meals a couple times a day. All these scenarios are fraught with potential difficulties, which of course is what I’m focusing on, not all the opportunities God might be providing me with for making new friends, learning more about him, and serving others in my church.
To go, I need to trust God to take care of me. I also need to be open to the possibility that I won’t be as comfortable as I would be at home. But that’s not my greatest calling. I don’t think God is calling me to a life of the most comfort. He’s calling me to a life of service and devotion to him, which at this point, seems to involve going to a women’s retreat.
Oh, and did I mention that I’m not bringing my computer? This is seriously roughing it!