Cart of Darkness 3

For some reason, idiots in grocery stores flock to me like fruit flies to the produce section. 

Once again, Costco is the culprit.  Either I spend too much time in Costco, or the mega store has more than its fair share of morons.  Maybe it has something to do with the large empty spaces drawing large empty heads.  I’m trying not to think about what that means for me shopping there.

Today, we focus on the nitwits in line, the checkout line to be precise.

Last Sunday, I stopped at the store to pick up some odds and ends, or in other words, excuses for me to browse the book section.  I went on the weekend, which is typically a fate worse than death.  The lines get really long on those days.  I found a line that was manageable, and when it was my turn to put my items on the conveyor belt, I pulled my cart ahead and began loading items on.  There was a gap between my items at the end of the belt and the items of the person in front of me, about 2 feet worth of space.

From out of nowhere, a snappish looking middle aged woman swooped into that gap and placed her items between my purchases and those of the people who were in line before me.  Basically, she was cutting, but cutting while I had my items on the conveyor belt. 

She only had 2 items, sure, and if she had asked, I might even have let her cut, but to do it without asking?  I stood there dumbfounded, holding my carton of strawberries as the conveyor belt went by empty.  The people ahead of her cleared out, she paid, took off, and never looked me in the eye once.  She knew she did wrong.

Sure, I could have made a hissy fit.  Stomped up and down, demanded that she run to the back of the line (several people deep by now).  But what would that have accomplished?  Well, maybe I’d have a better story to tell you, like the one my mom shared with me recently.

 My mom called the other day to complain about her latest Costco fiasco, so I know I’m not alone.  She gave me permission to relate her tale, and I hope that by doing so, I’ll raise awareness of a disturbing individual who is haunting a Costco near you.  We’ll call her “Sample Woman.”

Costco has great samples. It’s one of the reasons I shop there during the hours of 1-4 (prime sample time), especially on Fridays.  It’s funny the things you’ll eat as a free sample that you’d normally never consider sticking in your mouth under normal circumstances.

“Try a taste of beef fat wrapped in bacon, 9.99 for 10 lbs,” A woman in a red apron says, as she holds out a steaming tray of flesh.  A long line forms as soon as the microwave beeps.  I find myself popping one of the morsels in my mouth, praising its texture and moisture. 

But apparently, some people take the sampling thing a little too far. 

My mom was in line, with her purchases on the conveyor belt, waiting to pay, when the woman behind her reached forward and began browsing through mom’s merchandise. She opened up mom’s box of grapes, plucked one, and popped it in her mouth.  “Oh, those are good,” she said, conversationally.

Watching the woman first touch, then eat her food, mom weighed the appropriate response. 

Mom asked her to please stop eating her food.  But sampler woman continued in her sampling spree.  She proceeded to poke and prod with her long fingernails at some fish fillets mom was purchasing. 

Eager to reclaim her personal space and possessions, mom finally told her, “I’m sick and you’d better stand back, so I don’t cough all over you.” 

That worked.  It also had the benefit of being true. Go mom.

Cart of Darkness 1

Cart of Darkness 2


Published in: on June 17, 2008 at 5:13 pm  Comments (3)  
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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. After all of your adventures I feel the need to join a super-box store.
    Just so I have something to blog about.

    AL: There’s that. I’d sign up for the books. Always the books. =)

  2. Amy, I haven’t encountered the ‘fish poking woman’ again, however, I did find a purse snooper, or thief- an entire family who combed the asiles looking for purses sitting in carts while their unsuspecting victims dallied at the book section. Beware!
    And then there are the cashiers. I choose to believe Costco sends all the undesirable cashiers to Whatcom County. As I shop for our family and some elderly friends I have been left speechless by the check-out counter comments. Adult Diapers- ‘gee, you look too young to need these’, Wrinkle cream- ‘ do you really think this stuff will help your face?’ and my alltime favorite, The 4 pack of Preperation H.- ‘boy you must really have a big pain in the ass to need this much’ I pause and think, WWJD? Usually I say nothing. And grind my teeth all the way out the door. Cart of darkness, indeed.

    AL: Argh! I don’t know, your checkers have rivals here in Seattle. (but those are pretty bad). I hate it when ours like to tell me the end of the movies that I’m buying. Never books because I’m pretty sure they can’t read. So you’re safe there.

  3. Do those checkers at your Costco in Whatcom county wear WWSD? bracelets?

    Take a peek next time you are there.

    I’m guessing “S” doesn’t stand for Son of God. I’ll take a peek. =)

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