Cart of Darkness 2

I just found a new toy.  How in the world did I ever not know these wonderful little devices existed before?  And they’re EVERYWHERE!

Annoyed that I couldn’t walk for longer than about 15 minutes (which seems to stretch another 5 minutes each additional week), I complained to my mom that I was going a bit stir crazy.  I love my home, don’t get me wrong, but these walls are starting to drive me a little batty.

So mom told me that most major stores have electric carts that you drive in to do your shopping.  Who knew? This was a revelation to me!  I called all my favorite stores to see if they had these miraculous machines, and low and behold, many of them did.  My first stop was Costco, with Dan.  I still needed someone to drive me there, and I couldn’t exactly lift anything to put in the cart, but at least I could putt around and look at things.

There’s a little diagram on them that is supposed to help the average adult drive them, but I guess I’m not the average adult.  Maybe it’s because I’m left handed, and I can’t tell my right from my left.  But I was constantly going backwards when I wanted to go forwards. There was no brake pedal, so the only way I found to stop was to release the accelerator (which as always on full speed).  It sent me skidding ahead a few feet before I came to a complete stop (imagine tires screeching every couple feet).  Small children gawked with eyes as wide as saucers.

 I noticed that people would clear out of my way as I went barreling down the aisles.  Turning was a bit of a problem, and I frequently backed up and had to start over again.  I could hear Dan from a couple aisles away, trying to suppress his laughter at my horrible driving.  People pulled their children out of my path, as I tore through the store.  At one point, Dan decided that it was easier to hitch a ride with me than to jog along to keep up.

Here I am browsing through my favorite part of the store, the books! 

I figured I’d gotten the hang of the cart things, but Dan wasn’t confident enough to bring me to a store during busy shopping hours.  So, he brought me to Target late in the evening when there would be less chances for me to maim someone. 

Just when I thought I could manage the carts, they changed on me.  The Target carts had a different mechanism for turning, so I had to relearn that (did I ever really learn it in the first place?). Plus, the rows at Target are a lot tighter than at Costco, so you can imagine the shenanigans that ensued.  Dan watched, horrified, as I plowed, full speed, into a display at the end of an aisle.  Thankfully, nobody was injured, and the stack of bread and crackers didn’t seem to mind the collision too much.  My pride was a little wounded, and the people who witnessed the event were kind enough to scurry away, even though I could tell they were hiding their violent giggles.  Dan thought it was fun to re-enact the event all evening. He’d regularly slam his hands together and yell, “BAM!”, and laugh until he cried.  I’d glare at him. 

I was also a bit humiliated by the fact that the Target carts added an annoying beeping feature whenever I needed to back up.  “Great,” I thought. “Here comes the wide load.”  Dan liked it because he knew where I was wherever he was in the store.  Personally, I tried to avoid backing up whenever possible, often circling round and round on aisles until I got dizzy.  But, sometimes, I’d just give up and go backwards.  My pride is only worth so much effort.

Thankful for my newfound sense of freedom, I’ll be visiting other local stores in the coming weeks.  If you happen to see me on a collision course with you or your small children, I’d advise you to quickly get yourself, and them, out of the way. 

By the way, what goes around, comes around, or whatever.  Here’s my first Cart of Darkness post.  Looks like I’m at fault this time.

Published in: on March 24, 2008 at 1:59 pm  Comments (4)  
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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I love Target! Maybe the kids and I can pick you up for a shopping date.

  2. Love to, as long as the kids remain a safe distance from me and my insane driving! Probably a good idea for you too!

  3. Oh dear! My Bernie had to use a Target cart a few months ago when he was recouperating from his knee injury. He found it very humbling, and also rather odd to be at eye level with women’s busts as he went about the store. Being a 6′ 3″ man, it had been a long time since he had been so short and “treated” to such a perspective. Oy!

  4. LOL

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